Pillow Talk

Evan and I had a major pillow talk session last night (love him)! For hours, we discussed a variety of random things that have been on our minds. We laughed... I cried... and, eventually, we fell asleep.

Not to get all serious on you or anything, but I thought I might blog about one of the things we discussed: 


Friendship.


You know those people who just emit energy and awesomeness? It's like they have some kind of giant magnetic force-field around them that sucks people in? They are always happy and bubbly, and oh, so nice? Everybody wants to be their best friend? 


Well... I am not one of those people.


Here I sit, almost 22 years old, and the only CLOSE friends I have are the ones I am related to and the one I am married to! Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying "woe is me, the friendless loser." I mean, according to Facebook, I have plenty of friends! ;) I am grateful for those people, but I wish that I had more of those really deep, meaningful relationships, the ones that last even when it's no longer convenient. Unfortunately, I feel like I am the socially-awkward type, and I can't seem to establish (and sustain) REAL friendships. Ev and I tossed some ideas back and forth to try and figure out why that is. Eventually, we came to this conclusion:

I am a perfectionist. I would have the world believe that there is absolutely nothing wrong with me (ha...ha)! For that reason, I tend to be cautious when I interact with others. It's difficult to loosen up, let go of my fear, and be myself. I'm afraid that if I show my weird, quirky, dorky side that people will judge me and won't want to be my friend anymore. Silly, right? I know deep down that exactly the OPPOSITE is true! Great friendships are forged when you get to know and see someone as they really are (flaws, quirks and all) and still love them. Of course, not everyone is going to like me, and not everyone is going to be a "kindred spirit" and forever friend, but how would ever I find out if they were unless I put myself out there a little? 


So, to those of you who I have closed myself off to, I'm sorry. Chances are I've observed your awesomeness and thought to myself: "I wish I could get to know her better...maybe we would be really good friends..." I'm sorry that I kept to myself, and denied us both the opportunity to start what could have been an amazing friendship. I hope that someday I'll get another chance.


FYI: Tara is responsible for the picture above. She is amazing, and a link to her blog can be found right over there -->